Saturday, January 17, 2009
My Last Blog
"I" is always the beggining of everything, but it always end to be who am I?
This Blog supposedly about Filipinos, well I am Filipino; And this blog supposedly a story that I had written, but I decided instead of telling a symbolic story, why don't share my own story. So that people would understand me more.
I had tried this already before, to be true and to be honest. I always think of being true is good, but it turned out to be the other way around.
Some people congratulated and honored my honesty, but they were just plastic. They used all the truth against me.
They used me, abused me, took advantage of me, and tried to take away all good things in me.
They said I can trust them. They lied. and they even want to sell me.
I am here in this city to have a new life. I am here in this city to be a better person. I want to live in a peaceful world.
Now, my question what was my mistake? Did I hurt them? Did I tainted thier names? Did I use them? No. In fact, it is me who were abused by these opotunistic people.
I just want to be a new man. Somebody who is not from the past.
Now, I can tell why many criminals even you put them in Prison for 10 years they would always go back as criminals because the people around these criminals will never allow them to be a New Person. No body accept them. No one likes to forgive. No body give chances for them to live a better life.
It is Just like me: I am being criticized,and abused by this society. Now I dont know where to go, and whom to go.
They said, It is me who can only say who am I?, But actually that is my question too.
I moved from houses to houses, cities to cities and places to places.I found both success and failure.From Pasay City, Cavite, Quezon City, Manila, Saipan, Thailand, Hong Kong, Singapore and back to Philippines in Dumaguete City.I met many people. Different faces, and different cultures.In each places I am always somebody else. Someone who isn't me. I kept changing my life style, my profession, my clothes, my attitude, my behavior, and my Name.
This is the truth: I am who you think I am. I dont care: I am stronger now. I will face the world once again. I will go somewhere to find my Happiness. Somewhere, that is peacefull, Somewhere no body knows me. Somewhere I could be a better person and somewhere people will accept me, and wont take advantage of me. I am tired of being fooled.
I am not running away from the past, but I am just trying to find my luck.
By the way if ever I fail and would end up nowhere. It is for sure No body will claim my body. Daddy, I don't think if he really cares; I am always feeling lonely, and sad. and my family can't afford to spend for another funeral. It is so expensive to die.
So that is why, If I die, I would like to donate my body in any medical school as a cadaver, so atleast I will be useful for our future Doctors. I know in the future this country will be needing more Doctors. And if that happens I would be still proud because even though I feel useless when I am still alive, It would be an honor to be a useful Filipino when I die.
To my family I Love You all so much. To daddy thank you. To all my friends I wish you all good luck.
Good Bye everyone. Mahal ko kayong lahat.